Essay 2

As I read “Coming Home Again”, Chang-rae Lee’s character reminded me of myself in some ways.  I felt like I was him standing in the kitchen.  Lee’s mother’s role very much reminded me of my own mother as well.  The comparison to this story has nothing to do with sickness and death, but about changes. I have lived in and out of home several times that I formed gaps in my life. I lost quality time with my mother, who’s taught me everything, because I wanted to live far away and attend other schools.

According to Lee, his mother had regretted him leaving because he didn’t get to bond with her throughout her sickness or learn to do things the way she did, for instance cooking.  As for my mother, she agreed to let me move away and not knowing when I would be ready to return. She was worried that I would forget the things I have learned from her and loose the bond we had as a mother and daughter where we spent our days in the kitchen cooking as a family. I could understand that she had responsibilities to teach me and my sisters how to take care and support ourselves if anything should happen. My mother was scared to let us in to the world alone.
          Throughout my teenage years, I use to feel like doing things the way my mother did was like a chore instead of a lesson. She would never quite force anything on me, but she would try to influence me to think and perceive things the way she did. And if I didn’t, sure enough the disappointment in her face made me feel like I just ran over road kill.  It was important to my mother that I stayed close by her side; she wanted to be my teacher.  

After being gone for two years, I decided to return home. I thought that things would still be the same but I had come to realize that there had been some changes. My mother wasn’t quite the same anymore. It was difficult to engage in a conversation while we were cooking in the kitchen, like old times, without her lecturing about something. My mother became stricter than I remembered. I didn’t quite understand what had caused her to be so different. I then continued to observe the way everyone in the house hold goes about their day. I had come to realize that there has been lack of family quality time. And because all my sisters have grown up, they were involved in other things, and my mother was experiencing loneliness.

I believe that if I had stayed and continue to bond with my mother, she wouldn’t have to experience that sort of loneliness. I think the feeling must have made her angry inside, and no one wanted to follow her rules anymore. Before I left, we were pretty close. We would cook together, grocery shop, bargain shop, and so much more. She once told me that I was her only friend because I would do the things she did, go where she went, and always talk to her. The result of me leaving could have been a part of the reason for her changes.

Fortunately things have gotten better. I continued to be the daughter she last remembered before she had sent me off to another city. I knew my mother regretted me leaving. It must have been a great deal of pain to let me reside in another city far from her, not knowing how I would deal with life. It was hard for her the first time when my oldest half sister left us to be miles away and to only come see us once a year. Maybe she felt like me leaving was reliving the moment my sister left.

Considering I am a mother myself, I am already too attached to my son. At this time he is still very young, I feel like I cannot be away from him more than 24 hours without worrying about him or having to call in and check up. It’s a natural thing for a mother to feel this way, it is unconditional love. I could now understand that was probably how my mother was feeling. The way I see it now, imagine how it will be when my son gets much older. I don’t know how I would really feel if I ever let him leave, whether the bond between me and him will change, or if I have taught him well enough before he goes off on his own. Though the time has not yet come, I would like to prepare myself for the future. I will remind him that home is only one call away, and to always keep in touch so that the bond is not lost.