me

me

Friday, February 11, 2011

Essay 1



                                                                   Fun in the Sun

This is a picture of my five year old son, Jayden, who's standing behind his six year old cousin, Brandon with the beach ball in front of him. They both are very active, intelligent children, full of energy, excitement, and are always finding ways to laugh and smile. They are the kind of little boys that can redefine boredom. There is nothing that you could do to keep them from exploring new adventure or find a mess to make even messier. These two are more like brothers than they are cousins. They are partners in crime.

This photo was taken last summer at Doran Beach, located south of Bodega Bay. The beach stretches out about two miles long, and is a great place to have a picnic, swim, fly kites, and simply just lie under the sun. My family and I decided to go to the beach that day because it was awfully scorching hot in Santa Rosa, and the air conditioner at home was broken.

I can recall the day vividly; it was a nice warm day, the sun was bright, the wind had blown lightly, the seagulls flew over our heads squawking, and we could see the ocean water waves hitting the shores. The sound of the ocean was relieving; it was the perfect day getaway from the busy noise of traffic.

Jayden and Brandon were so excited to be at the beach that day. To them it was better than Chuck E. Cheese, probably because there was more space to run around, and fewer kids to share with. The first thing they did was removed their beach shirts and ran to the shore with water guns shooting at each other, running from the waves, splashing water, chase and whack each other with seaweeds, and attempted to build sand castles before the waves took over. I remember being nervous about the boys going too far into the water and the waves would take them in. I made sure I stayed near and kept a good eye on them both. I couldn’t stop laughing when the two, buried my cousin’s pet dog, Honey, into the sand with only her head sticking out, barking, and helplessly trying to maneuver her way out.
          We spent hours at the beach, watching the children play, fight, and laugh at each other. Family time is important for children as young as Jayden and Brandon. They learn how to play, share, bond, and create memories. It’s hard to get family together when we all have busy lives, so days like these are rare. My older sister and I want to make family time available as often as possible. 
          This image is one that I want to keep forever; it portrays the closeness, and happiness the boys have. When they grow older, I want them both to be able to look back and know they were lucky to have the chance to take advantage of their childhood, what it felt like to be a kid, and how the love from family can provide a wonderful feeling. The memories that these boys can create together will help them grow stronger and learn. I believe that children who are raised from a good family make them who they are when they grow up. We come from a big family and together we all value the idea of to sticking together, trust each other, and to always remember that there is no one better to turn to than your own family.



2 comments:

  1. Hi Susie,
    You did a very good job at depicting what took place in the picture with the two boys. There are only a few sentences where you deviated from the picture and described things that were not visible in the picture or pertained to your main idea I learned from our teacher that removing these kinds of extras help the essay flow. Thank you so much for sharing, sounds like you had a wonderful time, wish I could have been there, We love Doran beach.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Susie,

    Your nephew and son are very fortunate to have each other. The bond you described reminds me a lot of my relationship with one of my cousins. We were always together when we were young. The friendship that we had was truly beautiful. Family is very important and it's crucial for parents to teach that to their children. I'm glad that you are showing your son this valuable lesson.

    You have a strong essay. I loved how you described the beach. You had some very detailed and specific information that permitted me to see the beach clearly. That's probably the strongest aspect of your writing. Even though your description is good, there is one particular part of the essays that lost me a little bit.

    You describe what your son and nephew did when they first arrived at the beach, which is great, but the wording is a little funny. I got a little bit confused when I was reading that part. It seems like you mixed up the past and present tense. Maybe you'd like to go over that sentence and make it a bit neater.

    ReplyDelete